For someone whose been cheated on by a partner in a relationship, I know first hand the pain and scars that it causes. Long after the pain is gone, the scar on your heart remains, and it works tediously to ruin future relationships with jealousy.
For someone whose never been cheated on and you’re worried he might be, you don’t know the signs. When your love interest has a ‘reputation’ of cheating, it can cause anxiety and stress, and you could always be questioning: “Is he cheating on me too?”
How Does It Affect The Relationship?
Trust is earned, and when someone breaks that trust, it’s hard to get it back. When someone cheats on you once, it’s hard to trust anyone ever again. It can interfere with having a healthy relationship too.
Unfortunately, cheating is common in relationships, and the media doesn’t seem to discourage it. and so a lot of women are wondering: “Is my boyfriend cheating on me?” That kind of doubt cant eat away at a woman and cause havoc on her mental state.
We hate that you’re going through this feeling so we’ve taken some tips straight from relationship expert, April Masini, herself to help you spot the ‘cheating husband signs’ (or vice versa).
What Are The Signs To Look For?
1. Look for signs of dishonesty
When you’ve been with someone for a while, you learn their tall tale signs of them being dishonest. Some people fidget or make an involuntary movement, or they don’t make eye contact.
Another red flag for dishonesty is too much information. If you ask a simple question and your partner come up with dramatic stories or things that just seem off. This could be a sign there could be someone else or just flat out lies.
Dishonesty is crippling for a relationship. If you are seeing signs he is cheating and he is not being honest with you, then things get more complicated. When a man lies about his infidelities, it makes it even harder to forgive. The best way to fix a relationship after an affair is to tell the truth, as it makes it easier to forgive.
2. Pay attention to body language
Body language is another thing to pay attention to if you think your partner is cheating on you with another woman. He may become more uncomfortable around you in public, especially if the other woman is around.
He will become more uptight about being affectionate, or he may put off the vibe that he is ashamed, sad or distant. He might go out of his way to avoid standing to close to you or avoid looking you in your eyes.
3. A change in your sex life
Studies show that men feel guilty after sleeping with someone else with no feelings attached. You may experience some difficulties with your sex life after he has slept with another woman.
One of the common signs your partner may be sleeping with someone else is a decrease in his sex drive. He will have a hard tie feeling connected and intimate with you, either due to guilt or emotional attachment to another woman.
When your partner is actively cheating, sex will decline significantly. After all, how would he find a way to have energy and time for you if he’s to busy sleeping with someone else? When you do have sex with your man when he is cheating, it will feel cold and different.
4. Mysterious phone calls and secret messages
If your significant other suddenly become secretive with their phone, going out of their way to hide it or keep attention away from the phone could be a sign he has slept with or is sleeping with another woman.
If he leaves the room to answer the phone call, stays in his car in the driveway talking on the phone before coming inside, changes the passcode, or puts special care into making sure the phone is never left unattended with you, then you can be pretty sure there is someone else.
A healthy relationship is built off of trust, and if your partner can’t trust his phone around you unsupervised then you know that he has something to hide. While I personally feel like respect for your partner’s privacy is important – suspicious sneaky behavior over a phone is way more than enough reason to demand some answers.
Phones are an excellent way for a cheating partner to carry out their infidelity. Most cellular devices are smart, pocket-sized computers where a man has access to everything he needs to talk to, meet up, and have sex with another woman.
Facebook and other social media, messaging and dating apps, video chat functions, and more make it all very convenient for a cheater. When someone is being unfaithful, the key to all of your questions is getting a good look at that phone.
5. Strange disappearances
If a run to the store for cigarettes and milk starts taking hours longer than it should, and getting a hold of your man over the phone while he is out doing so becomes difficult you can take each disappearance as a sign there is most definitely another woman.
If your partner is usually very punctual and efficient then you already know something strange is going on. Another warning is when a man becomes flaky and unreliable, or starts to be seemingly unable to keep his word. A woman needs security, and if he’s off being MIA, chances are you have a good reason not to trust him.
6. Sudden extra long work hours
Suddenly late hours? Longer, more frequent shifts? We can pretend he’s working to save up for some kind of romantic surprise for you, or we can face the reality that there might be someone else in the picture that you don’t know about.
While most of us can’t deny that our man works hard to support us, there are just some things that don’t add up when a man is using work as an excuse to be with someone else. It’s usually obvious signs that don’t add up and get a man caught being with someone else, and you know whether or not it’s normal for him to work until 1 or 2 in the morning or take extra business trips.
7. Paranoia or constant accusations
A healthy relationship has trust, and any insecurities about cheating or infidelity should be able to be resolve within the first year. Anything else is just toxic. But studies show that guilt is a funny creature, that does funny things to our brains.
There is an old saying that says: “The accuser is often the guilty.” Or something like that. And science holds this statement to be true. If there is a lot of accusations being thrown by your partner, paranoia and the toxic mentality that you have slept with someone else or anyone, then you may not just be dealing with insecurity.
Cheating and dishonesty are toxic actions, which lead to toxic reactions. If your partner begins to accuse you of having sex with co-workers or friends, or people he knows for a fact that he has no reason to be insecure about, there may be a reason for it.
Illogical paranoia and toxic accusatory behavior without any kind of provocation are good signs that your man may be a cheater.
8. Mental or emotional abuse
Another way to sort this out is to determine whether or not he gaslights you every time you try to approach a certain topic, whether it be about sex or distance between you in the relationship. A cheating partner will make his woman feel like she is crazy for doubting him, or turn the subject so that she appears to be the villain.
The act of an affair itself can be a form of emotional abuse if a man uses sex with another woman as a way to punish or hurt his partner after an argument or disagreement. Sometimes a man will cheat and intentionally get caught, with the intention of ending the relationship in a passive-aggressive way.
Be careful of these particular signs, and if you are in an abusive situation, we strongly urge you to get out safely and quickly and let this one go.
Note: Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse, where your significant other tries to make you feel or look crazy for feeling a certain way, when in fact they are in the wrong for whatever the situation is.
9. Missing money and other signs
Not every man is going to be foolish enough to come home wearing the signs he’s had sex with someone else. But sometimes the evidence is harder to cover up than he thinks.
Females are good at finding things that don’t belong to them. A stain or unfamiliar perfume scent, and receipts. If a man is having an affair, more than likely he is spending money on her.
This is easier to catch if you two have merged finances, but that is not always the case. A subtle clue to finding recognizing this red flag is if your significant other suddenly has more money issues than normal. He won’t be able to ‘afford’ something he usually wouldn’t have an issue with taking care of.
If bank statements suddenly start turning up more frequent ATM withdrawals, or mysterious purchases, that means it’s time to start asking him some questions.
10. Guilty conscience
Someone who has a guilty conscience may react strangely to what appears to be everyday situations. He may experience mood swings, and appear to be wishy-washy with his feelings. He may become extra affectionate, or spoil you with gifts for no reason, or go out of his way to do extra things for you.
In this scenario, you will have to be the judge of the situation. Does your spouse usually act that way? How often when you two are doing good does he surprise you with little trinkets? Does his affection and spoiling seem excessive or loaded?
Humans will try to appease themselves with what they perceive to be acts of kindness if they are being eaten away with guilt. I won’t tell you that every time your man goes above and beyond his usual romances with you it means he’s sleeping around. But you are his partner so you know him best. If the acts of kindness or displays of affection don’t ‘feel’ right, you will most definitely want to start getting some answers.
11. Broken promises and lame excuses
Sometimes when a man is skulking in places he shouldn’t be, it interferes with his life. There will be times when all of a sudden he can’t make it to planned events, he doesn’t come home at his usual time, he stays gone longer, and he doesn’t even have a good explanation for any of it.
Broken promises followed by excuses are enough to drive any person away from another. Being let down and disappointed over and over again can damage a relationship almost to the point of being irreparable.
Sometimes men aren’t reliable on their best days. However, for the most part, they go out of their way to try not to let down their lady love. I know that I personally can’t stand for someone to tell me they will do something, and then they just not do whatever it is.
Broken promises are a unique and special kind of betrayal that digs at a relationship one tiny piece at a time. Eventually, broken promises and excuses will make a woman go numb, and she can easily adapt to constantly being disappointed by the events around her.
12. Listen to your instincts
Always follow your gut. If you have that instinct feeling that something is wrong, then don’t ignore it. It doesn’t always mean your significant other is cheating, but there could be a disconnect. You should, of course, confront this with your partner and simply ask them.
There is no denying that almost everyone has experienced that ‘gut feeling’ once or twice in our life. In most cases, that gut feeling is correct. If you feel like he is cheating without a shadow of the doubt, then just know your instincts are picking up on something that may not be obvious to you at the moment.
You should also keep in mind until he admits it or you find undeniable evidence that he has been unfaithful, you want to try to avoid jumping to conclusions. If he’s throwing any of these signs it could be a number of things, or completely unrelated to cheating.
Always keep a clear line of communication open, and hopefully, he will find the courage within himself, to be honest about whatever is actually going on.
What To Do If He Is Cheating?
So what do you do if it turns out that he has undeniably slept with another woman? First and foremost, we’re sorry you’re going through that. The first thing to remember is that this doesn’t have to be the end of your relationship if you don’t want it to be.
Recovering a relationship after someone cheats is hard, but not impossible. You may want to take some time apart, go couples therapy, or try to work it out on your own. Whichever path you decide to take, it’s not going to be easy.
Whatever route you take with your relationship after your partner has cheated, there are some things you should do to ensure your own well-being.
The first thing I suggest is to go get yourself tested for any STDs.
It’s important you consider this health step. You’ve discovered he betrayed you, and most likely he lied about it. You can’t depend on his honesty about whether he was safe or smart while he was doing what he was doing. For your own peace of mind, call your doctor and be honest about what happened. It’s more common than you realize.
The second thing I suggest is getting yourself a support network.
You need someone safe you can talk to. Be careful about choosing who your support person is if you decide to try and fix your relationship. We suggest finding a neutral party who will be understanding of that decision since most of your family and friends will encourage you to cut ties completely with the person that hurt you.
The reason as to why it happened is going to be your biggest key to closure and emotional healing, and possibly even fixing what went wrong in relationship in the first place.
What Does It Mean For You?
If he has cheated on you, it is not your responsibility to make him feel better about his actions. If you two are going to work on continuing and fixing your relationship, he will have to work hard to earn your trust back. And that is perfectly okay, after all, he hurt you.
One other thing to keep in mind is that it is normal to have issues being intimate with a man who has cheated on you before. That is perfectly within your right, and after cheating, no man has any ground to demand sexual relations with you. That is something that must be earned back, and there is nothing wrong with standing your ground on the issue.
That being said,
It’s never your fault if a man cheats on you. Everyone has a choice and control over their own actions.
Take the time you need to be certain about your decision, and prioritize yourself. After a big shock like this, you need to make a decision with a clear head. Usually, some distance and space will help you come to a more clear resolution about what is best for you.
Have you ever been cheated on? If you have, how did you know or find out? We want to hear from you. Share your story with us in the comments. And if you liked this article, remember to share it with your friends.
When it comes to relationships, I have seen them all. I have spent the better part of 10 years giving relationship counseling to people of all ages for their relationships. I specialize in helping repair failing relationships. I also counsel others on Abusive relationships. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 8 years, before breaking it off. After finding my own peace and healing I have spent a lot of time helping people with similar situations.